No Nursing Home for Me!

(Reprinted from 101 Facts)

  No nursing home for me. I am checking into the Holiday Inn! With the average cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.

  For a combined long-term stay, discount and senior discount, it’s $49.23 per night. That leaves $132.77 for: breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want (or room service), laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer and dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

  They treat you like a customer, not a patient. Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery take the airport shuttle, and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

  It takes months to get into a decent nursing home. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today, and you’re not stuck in one place forever. You can move from Inn to Inn, or even city to city. Hawaii?? They have a Holiday Inn there, too. TV broken?? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem! They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn has night security person, and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you’re okay. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

  And… No worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool, too. What more can you ask for? So when I reach the golden age, I’ll face it with a grin.